my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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