A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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