I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
