The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
