nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
