I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize