dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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