So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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