what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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