isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
