so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
