neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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