please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
