I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
