Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
