dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
