I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
