You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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