omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
