I feel great
I just peed on a car
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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