You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
