Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
