Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
