you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
