I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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