I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
