I just made out with a guy for $7.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
