i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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