just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
