Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

put your butt on the phone this is a booty call

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(323): View more from California

my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.

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(850): View more from Florida

My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.

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(313): View more from Michigan

he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights

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(845): View more from New York

And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.

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(347): View more from New York

you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.

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(562): View more from California

Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!

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(315): View more from New York

We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT

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