dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize