i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
