You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
