...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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