The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
