Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
