i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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