Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
this hospital has no fireball
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
