So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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