I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
