Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I want a musical about memes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize