Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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