I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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