Is it because I queefed?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
