Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
