that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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