I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
