I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
