if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Found the puke drawer
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
