Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
