No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
