i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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