he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
