I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
