Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
