I can tuck mytits in my pants
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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