Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Let's get the cat blown out
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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