That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
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then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
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There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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