sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
