how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
