Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my being single is dangerous.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
