The maid of honor just puked.
I'm really into asian looking animals
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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