In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Holy sore nipples Batman
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
