life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize
