i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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