im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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