I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
