I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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