Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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